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This scenario may sound familiar.   You’re riding shotgun along as a passenger in the car while your spouse is driving and you are not really focusing on the road ahead.   Maybe you are looking at a book, checking your social media, or taking a light nap.   All of a sudden you hear a short gasp, yelp, or some other alert from the driver that startles you out of your zone.   Instantly, your pulse quickens and your mind races straight up to defcon 4 as you sense there is danger.   Hopefully it was just a simple thing like a swift tumbleweed crossing your path but, in that moment, you mimic the response of your partner.

A different example of this happened last night between my wife and I.   I was working on a new recipe for dinner while she was at the gym and I had it all planned out.   It was a multi-step recipe with some exact timing built in for best results.   With my timing figured out for a perfect delivery right when she was to arrive, I found that a canned ingredient (I had only one can) appeared to be spoiled.  Following on the heels of that realization, I learned that a necessary side dish was required and there were possibly two more coming to dinner which was going to affect the number of servings.   My anxiety  instantly shot up and when she called me after her workout it was clear to her that I was stressed.

Being the empathetic person that she is, she immediately adopted my stress as her own and now there were two very excitable people on the phone!   Fast forwarding an hour, the crisis was completely averted.   The recipe turned out fine and everyone that wanted some had plenty.   Later in the evening we were sitting on the couch and my wife said something to the effect of “when you get stressed I get stressed”.   What she was telling me was that my mood, emotions, and the way I conduct myself has an impact on others.

With my curiosity peaked, and not being a professional in psychology, I spent some web time curating content  learning about  topics such as “Understanding the Stress Response” from Harvard Health, Dispositional Affect from Wikipedia, and “Science Says Stress in Contagious” from Healthline.  What I learned from my early morning reading was that assuming the stress of others is a very real phenomenon, there are times when it is appropriate and time when it is not, and the positive application of this learning can be beneficial both in family life and in the workplace.

Going forward, I have decided to put some positive practices into motion.

Manage Personal Stress

Knowing that how I manage stress may have an impact on others, I need to recognize stressful situations when they arise and maintain a positive affect.   This will enable me to think more clearly and potentially change the outcome of any situation in my favor.  This can be done as simply as employing tactics like counting to ten, breathing deeply, taking a moment to collect, or writing.

Share Stress Effectively

When I do engage with others in a personally stressful situation I need to be aware that they are taking cues from me.   Basically, how I respond to issues can dictate, to some degree, how others respond.   That old line come to mind, “let cooler heads prevail”.

Use Stress Management to Help Others

When stressful situations arise I can use the wisdom from the first line of Rudyard Kiplings A Fathers Advice to His Son that says “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs…”.  In doing this I can exercise leadership and build trust by conducting myself in a manner that drives to solutions rather than complicate matters.

Final Thoughts

As I get older I find I am spending more time seeking wisdom.   I have a lot of catching up to do…trust me.  There is a “book” in the Bible titled Proverbs.   Like many spiritual guide texts this book has many time tested “best practices” and observed results.   I would like to share a verse from that book.  I am going to make a sign for my office with it so I can have a visual reminder every day.

“He who has knowledge spares his words. A man of understanding is of a calm spirit”.  Proverbs 17:27

 

 

 

 

 

They say that one of the greatest, if not the greatest, fears that we can have is that of public speaking.   Billionaire, Warren Buffet, was famously terrified of the prospect of getting up in front of an audience.   In the Information Age I would venture to guess that there is a similar fear of public writing.   No longer is there just a simple (and curated) place in the newspaper for readers to respond.  Today anyone in the public space that can read your blog can comment.   Generally without consequence.  To me, that is a much greater fear than public speaking.    I guess the time has arrived to overcome that fear and see where publishing on my interests leads.